Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
