I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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