Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
