butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
