dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
