meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
