a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He passed out mid-signature
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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