I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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