I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
