Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
