My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
