Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize