i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
