Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
