Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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