I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
