Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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