Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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