there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
