I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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