Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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