Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
