Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
