I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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