we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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