every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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