lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
