med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
