Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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