I cannot find my penis.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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