I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
