This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize