For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
