At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
