just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
