He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
