I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just gift wrapped bread.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
