I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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