if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
