If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Found your dick twin last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
