we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
