I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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