sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
