dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
