Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
