It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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