the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
