Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
