It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
