i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
