so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
