I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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