how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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