Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
