ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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